One of the obstacles to free play is often us, the parents. More precisely, how complicated we make it for children to get together.
We turn a simple chance to play into an event. Then, short on time and energy, we stop inviting our children’s friends altogether.
The real obstacle
When we think about inviting our child’s friends over, we often feel we have to:
- have a tidy house
- prepare snacks or a meal
- be on hand to supervise and entertain
- wait for the other family to invite us back
None of these things is bad. But together they make a to-do list too long for an ordinary Tuesday afternoon. So we give up.
Children don’t need a perfect home. Being together is enough for them. They don’t come over to judge our living room or our snacks. They want to:
- build dens
- make up games
- step into imaginary worlds
- laugh and mess about
Yes, the place may look afterwards as if a hurricane went through it. But that mess is a sign of something good: playing together, moving and having fun. It’s a small price for what children gain from spending time together.
The return-invitation trap
Another thing that holds us back is the rule “I’ll invite them if they invite us.” At first glance it sounds fair, but it soon starts to limit us.
Other parents may not invite us back for all sorts of reasons:
- they have a new baby at home
- one of the parents is ill or overstretched
- their home isn’t suitable for children to play in
None of these reasons has anything to do with us or our child. And none of them changes how much our child gains from a friend’s visit. So it’s worth letting go of keeping score.
What are we afraid of?
Maybe being judged. Maybe chaos. Maybe the pressure to be a “good host”.
The more important question is what children lose when we hold back. Free play develops social skills, resilience, cooperation, empathy and problem-solving. It also lifts mood and reduces stress.
Three ways to make visits easier
1. Don’t make it an event
Treat children getting together like a cup of tea with a friend, not a wedding. It doesn’t have to be planned, perfect or arranged in advance. A quick text is enough.
2. Invite on the spur of the moment
The best play often happens at the last minute: after school, after dinner, even for just an hour.
3. Don’t worry about the mess
Mess means the play is still going on. You can tidy up later.
A simpler home, simpler snacks and looser invitations mean children get together more often. You can read more about why these get-togethers matter in our article “Free play teaches children to cooperate”.